I love to share memories. Sharing memories has always been so important to me because in some cases they were all I had. My mother passed away when I was six years old. Although I never talked about it much, as I came into adulthood the thought of having children and them not knowing my mother frightened me. Honestly, the thought of me not being able to introduce my children to their grandparents (my mom + dad) made me not so excited about having children. Of course they would have the love from all of the family they would be born into but it still was an uncomfortable thought. If you’ve ever lost a parent you know that any milestone you reach without them can be very daunting.

And because God has a sense of humor, the year before I got pregnant, I found my biological father (another great story for another time).

I still had worries of how I would teach my daughter about my mother and how I would get her to connect to her even though she’s never met her in person. I never want her to see my mother as only “mommy’s mother” but also as her grandmother as well. And so sharing my memories of my mother with my daughter has been something that I’ve focused on since the day I knew I was expecting.

Marlee’s name pays homage to her. I show her pictures and tell her who she is often. Of course because she’s a toddler she doesn’t quite get it yet. But one thing she does get is reading books.

My mother was a teacher and she encouraged me to read at a young age. One of my favorite memories of her is when we would read the book Corduroy together. On the last Christmas that I spent with my mother she gifted me with a bear stuffed animal that was my own corduroy. I still have that bear till this day (it’s very fragile now). I knew for certain that one thing I had to do was read the same book to my daughter. Marlee loves to read and it’s wonderful to share my favorite story with her. It’s not her favorite book yet but it does my heart so much good to connect to my mother this way.

As my daughter continues to grow I’ll be sure to teach her everything I know about her grandmother. While I only have so much to remember since I was six when she passed, I know more than anything her spirit and her character. And that’s how we connect to our grandparents anyway-through the sweetness of their spirit and the strength of their character. Earlier this year my own grandmother who raised me transitioned and so now I have to also remind her of her amazing great grandmother. 

Living with grief can be so complex and this is just one of the many complexities that I have experienced. I plan to share more on this topic because going through grief you need connectivity to help you heal. There were many times that I felt alone in dealing with grief and now I’ve decided to share some of what I’ve learned and what I’m still learning to inspire others like me.

For those reading this that too may have experienced grief, if you’re comfortable with sharing, I’d love to hear about some of your process with connecting new family members to important figures in your life that are no longer here. 

Thanks for reading!