Love is such a beautiful thing, especially when it is shared. Deciding to be in a committed relationship can seem simple at first, but overtime you inevitably find out that long term relationships need maintenance the same as your self-love or self-care requires maintenance.

As a working mom and wife, I understand personally the complexities of finding harmony. It can be difficult finding the balance between ambition and love at times, however it’s not impossible to have both. It’s certainly a balancing act, yet usually essential in a long term commitment.

The idea of self-care for your relationship comes out of thinking about how both people’s needs can be met at the same time. Participating in self-care driven activities with your partner can enhance understanding between each other and can give your relationship space for growth and deepening.

It’s so easy to leave the scraps for our partners especially if you work and have children. And when you have moments without the work and the kids, it can be hard to tap into the magic of your relationship if you haven’t tapped into for some time. We all are evolving humans, even if we don’t want to be. So if you’re not keeping up with the everyday changes and needs of your partner, you can miss the signs that special attention may be needed until there is a big blow up of some sort.

Committed relationships are not always easy although I truly believe that they can come with ease. It takes work, but it doesn’t have to be so hard that you don’t enjoy the work you put into it. And the work you put into it doesn’t have to even be difficult.

Hanging out and doing simple activities together can be so enriching for your relationship and can serve as couple’s care. Date night is a popular trendy term, but sometimes date night comes with pressure and surface expectations. Being intentional about your time together in atmospheres that allow ease, conversation, and intimacy can sometimes be more productive to your relationship although date nights are also very necessary. Date night is not always often while doing self care activities together could potentially bring you closer to each other everyday.

Getting pampered together can help you both release stress and allow you the opportunity of relaxing together. Activities like having a spa day can create deeper intimacy. Going for couples massages, facials, manis and pedis is always fun to experience together. And if you can’t go to an actual spa, you can do a DIY spa together at home. Buy some candles, white robes, massage oil, a couple of facial masks, a charcuterie board and wine, and turn on some relaxing music and there you have a chance to really enjoy each other’s company.

Getting out in nature together can also be vitalizing for your couple’s care. Fresh air is good for everybody. Spending time in nature together can be great for your soul and give you a space outside of your mundane point of view and environment. One of the great parts about quarantine for me last year was getting the chance to walk around the neighborhood with my husband. We would walk every single Sunday for 1 to 3 hours. Now, because it was routine, we would always have our toddler with us, however she was usually in her stroller minding her business and sometimes asleep. Walking together not only helped us to stay up on our fitness, but it also allowed us to talk and reminisce and even dream together. Other options for getting out in nature can include going on hikes together, swimming, or even fishing.

Here’s a list of other activities for couple self-care:

• Couple’s meditation
• Yoga
• Weekend getaway to a bed and breakfast in your area
• Exercise
• Movie night (with no phones and no falling asleep)
• Finding a time everyday to meet and talk with no distractions
• Build something together
• Relationship audits
• Therapy (It’s not only for when you’re having issues)
• Help each other with chores My personal favorite

Another one of my favorite, incredibly simple ways to connect with my husband is hugging. When I first had our daughter in 2018, for whatever reason my husband would stand and ask me to hug. And we would embrace for 2 minutes or longer. I started really looking forward to these hugs daily and they would always seem to lift my moods and calm me down quite a bit as I was experiencing postpartum symptoms. I decided to research hugs one day and found that there is a chemical called oxytocin that is released when we experience touch like hugging that is responsible for boosting your mood. I’m such an advocate for hugging now because you never know how healing this simple thing can be especially with the upkeep of your relationship.

There are so many different activities that you can do to engage in couple self-care but what I believe to be the most imperative is to have fun together. Fun is self-care. Prioritizing fun in your relationship can be deeply connecting and can help to build a genuine friendship between each other and make your relationship stronger emotionally and physically. Just like self-care is maintenance, so is spending time together in a way that increases your connection. Having couple self care can serve as a reset and grounding practice for when conflict, hardships, or even positive transitions arise.

Thank you for reading!