August 21st 2020 my precious baby turned two! Which means that I have been somebody’s momma for a whole 2 years! Whew chile!

There were so many emotions I felt as we rapidly entered August to celebrate Marlee’s 2nd year of life. Mostly, I feel gratitude for arriving to this point with so much joy and a dash bit more of confidence despite everyday did not feel like that. Because of Covid, we celebrated very low-key to stay safe. But I wanted to take a look back at her first birthday, as well as share lessons that I’ve learned since her arrival almost two years ago.

Before I get into some of the lessons that I learned, let’s talk about her party! Mars’ birthday theme was Marchella, inspired by Cochella, the huge music festival. We decided on this theme because for most of the first year of Marlee’s life, everyone who met her made mention of how chill she was. We thought that we could create that vibe with the Cochella theme and bohemian style. Plus, what a cool way to end the summer?!

Most of the decor at the party was DIY. While it did take a lot of time for me do some of the projects, I loved how the personal touches came out. Plus my dear godmother went crazy on the photo backdrop!

My sweet Grandmother catered the food with the exception of a few items. She transitioned earlier this year so I am blessed to have memories with her at Marlee’s 1st birthday party. She loved Marlee dearly and Marlee always smiles and calls her name whenever she sees her pictures.

The kids played carnival like games outside and got flash tattoos (that was a big hit). The girls wore flower crowns that I made and the boys wore bandanas.

It was the perfect day for my baby. While her attitude did start to get tricky by the end of the party, I could tell that Marlee had a great time overall.

I learned a lot of lessons in these last two years of raising Marlee. I have met new parts of myself that have helped me gain wisdom and insight to help guide me throughout this motherhood journey. The first lesson…

What you have to offer your baby is perfect and enough. Some of the pressures of being a parent can be very overwhelming at moments, but for the most part, taking care of a baby can become quite simple. I’ve always heard people say things like, “having a baby is hard,” or “I rarely get sleep,” and I’ve wondered would I be prepared to take care of a baby from infancy. It can seem scary. But what I realized shortly after Marlee’s arrival is that it’s not that hard. I mean, it definitely is challenging and some days are harder than others. But overall, it’s a joyful experience if we allow it. I know there are cases when this may not be the experience of other parents. But even in the darkest of days…the days that you may feel the most lack, you always have what you need for your baby. This is intrinsic and not based strictly on income & material things. How you show up for your child is what’s most important. If the baby is sleeping, eating, pooping, & smiling, you’re doing a terrific job.

Now that we’re in the “terrible two’s” stage Marlee is not as chill as she used to be, which can make things a little more interesting at times. My patience has grown tremendously during this new stage. Remaining calm when she’s not has been my go to for handling those more challenging moments.

It’s easy to get so caught up and scared about your ability to care for another person especially if you weren’t particularly planning on having a child at the time. I think that all parents at some point have to ponder upon this thought. But I hung on to the fact that even at my lowest, I always have what I need. Faith has kept me grounded and I am thankful for everything that contributes to me taking care of her. It has also allowed me to seek opportunity so that our world will be much bigger. In the meantime, I settle in the truth that as long as I’m giving my best, I will always be enough for my child.

The second lesson…

Boundaries are not just helpful for you, but for those around you as well. When I was in the thick of postpartum blues, I craved self-care. I knew I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I should and I was sacrificing my needs for the sake of someone else’s. Now that I am out of postpartum, I still crave self care and I hold myself accountable for it. Even if it’s just one night out of the week or a few hours before she wakes up or after she goes to sleep, I make sure that I do something for me. Mother’s are always expected to sacrifice and it comes natural to most of us to do this without second thought. However, sacrificing too much of yourself all of the time will not give you what you need to take care of your family. In order for us to take care of others, we have to take care of ourselves… self-care!

I arrange with my husband when I need time to mediate, shower, get my nails and hair done, or need brunch with my friends, or just need to sleep. It can be hard missing even just 1 or 2 bedtimes out of the week and there are times when I question if I’m being selfish for making this time for myself. But then I think about how much better I feel when I take this time for me and how much more light I can give my family when I am feeling my best. Me saying yes to taking care of me is not me saying no to taking care of my family. It’s absolutely possible to find a sense of harmony in how you nurture yourself and others.

The third lesson really made an impact.

It’s not just you. So many moments that I’ve faced since having Marlee that have led me to believe that I’m the only one. But when engaging in other motherhood communities online and locally, I found that a lot of us face similar situations. Finding ways to have conversations with communities (that reflect you) can give you a sense of comfort because you’ll know that you’re not the only one.

Sometimes being a new mom can be an isolating experience. Connection helps us move forward in this journey and can help guide us along the way. I truly believe that every mother needs to have at least one other mother that she can connect to. Having multiple new moms and a few veteran mothers to reach out to helps me so much.

The fourth lesson…

Anxiety is a mutha. I’m pretty sure I had anxiety before having a baby and I even experienced it during pregnancy, but the anxiety that came after giving birth was on a whole other level. In my case, it only triggered more anxiety from my ongoing deals with grief. The anxiety was so much at times but I’m thankful that it lead me to meditation and mindfulness. Anxiousness can be useful at times but we have to find ways to keep it at a minimum so that it doesn’t take over our lives.

Anxiety leads to awareness in many ways in that it signals possibilities. Sometimes this can lead you to taking smart steps like starting a college or entrepreneur fund for the baby or covering all of the electrical sockets. And other times it can lead to not so great decisions like locking you and the baby in the bathroom or not sleeping because you have to stare at your baby while they are sleep to make sure their chest goes up and down. Learning how to use anxiety to benefit you and learning how to manage it will help throughout all of the stages of motherhood that include worrying about your child.

Lesson number five…

There was a point during these two years when I went, “Oh, I get it now. I have to parent her and myself.” Duh right?! I’m not even going to pretend that adulthood is easy. Settling into full adulthood with your own family to care for is strange at first. Not only are you trying to care for your little one in providing food, shelter, and clothing, you also have to figure out in which way you want their belief system to go. The baby is spanking new, and now you have to help form what this child is going to believe in. In thinking of how you will help shape how your child thinks, most of us probably consider how we were raised. And there may be some things that we have unlearned because it no longer served us or just wasn’t something that we ever believed in. There could be cultural differences as well that can contribute in dismantling passed down belief systems.

I’ve been in a process of unlearning some things that no longer serve me and in doing that I have longed for the familiarity of parental guidance. But I am the parental guidance now. And so, while I am deciding how I will raise my child, I am also redefining aspects of life and the world for myself in addition. Essentially, being an adult is parenting yourself and making yourself get up and do the things you need to do. Parenting both myself and my daughter is a serious task that involves heavy awareness and open-mindedness.

And lastly, the sixth lesson…

The greatest lesson I’ve learned so far is do your very best to stay present. I feel like I brought Marlee home from the hospital yesterday and today she’s telling me what to do with actual words. When they say time flies, it flies, ok? It’s so important to fight through moments of autopilot to really be present when your little one is around. Obviously every child needs a present parent, but also, you have to savor every moment you get to be with your child. Sometimes I find myself staring in awe of the beautiful human that I helped to create. Practicing being present also helps with the anxiety that I mentioned earlier as well. There’s little time to have panic attacks about all of the random troubles one could think of when you are fully locked into what is happening now. The more I find myself present with my child, the more the anxiety goes away.

Marlee is getting so big, so fast, and practicing her independence every day. I wish for time to slow down, but I just slow down instead so that I don’t miss every moment. There’s so much more of this journey for me to experience and as scary as it can seem at times to think of my baby growing up, I rest in the fact that I am fully equipped to guide her in the direction that she should go. Not because I’m an expert or read all the books, but because I believe that God has equipped us with all the tools we need internally.

I know I have so much more learning to do with parenthood. What are some lessons that your little ones have taught you?